Ok, Boomer

Welcome to my guide on how to successfully deal with a boomer!

First of all, how dare they place our whole generation under one stereotype? We have lived a very different life; we have been raised in the environment that their generation and the past ones have shed blood, sweat and tears to create. So yeah, we are grateful for all that we have, but we are currently occupied with establishing a future for the generations after ours, instead of looking back and singing praises for what our forefathers have founded for us. 

We are doing what they did; creating and not looking back. In fact, the audacity to call us ‘spoilt’ and ‘brats’, how dare you! We are a product of your upbringing, you have literally molded our perceptions and personality more than you like to take credit for. So don’t whine about us, you just did a pretty bad job raising and got a ‘hopeless’ product as a result. Surprising? 

 I’m not done, boomer – oh wait, you don’t know what a boomer is? Let me explain it to you, just like how I explain every function on your phone to you. 

When you were a child of my age, didn’t you call the adults ‘old-fashioned’ and just said, “It’s just a joke!” when they asked you to repeat? In reality, you had been using it as a derogatory term for the generation before you because all they did was smoke, work and talk about how the next generation was going to bring about the downfall of the world. 

Every generation believes the next generation is the worst of the lot. Yeah, that was your generation they are calling useless. The same way you insulted them for only seeing the wrong in you by calling them ‘old-fashioned’, we call you ‘boomers’ (and yes, all these terms apply). 

If you still don’t understand, go get your afternoon nap or something – don’t forget to take your Calcium (you never know how long those bones will last)!

(Yeah, don’t say that. It’s just going to make things worse.)

I know what you’re thinking . ‘How dare they demean our generation and constantly deplore all of our actions! We have grown up in a present different from theirs, we can’t afford to conform to their ideals anymore. Moreover, we are a product of their upbringing, so if anything, they did a pretty shit job ‘molding the future’.’

So without further ado, here’s what to do ! 

Step 1 : Don’t say anything.

  Silently agree with them and let the topic pass. It’s going to be hard not to blow up in their face but you’ll get your prize, it’ll be worth the wait. If the topic is taking too long to change or not changing at all, it’s time you step in and do the deed. Talk about some funny school incident or, preferably, start a very disorganised survey of who wants chai. Ask if anyone has diabetes or any health issue that requires them to have sugarless tea or whatever tasteless tea they need. Trust me, it works all the time; it works so well that after discussing the nitty-gritties of tea and what kind, the topic of someone’s (barely stable) health is brought up (much to the annoyance of the subject, but that isn’t your concern anymore).

Step 2: Make hot chai and serve.

That’s the magic of tea, it calms everyone. The soaring tempers and the questionable and controversial conversations are quickly forgotten over a cup of tea (That’s the tea y’all ;D). Kudos on a job well done! I hope the chai you made was good, otherwise I can’t help you for what comes next. Please ask someone to help you make the chai if you are an absolute idiot on fire in the kitchen. 

Now, sit back and watch them hum along to any comment passed as they sip their tea. Get ready, ‘cause we’re about to serve some justice.

Step 3 : Formulate a respectful speech.

  Do not skip this step and just speak off the top of your head in the heat of the moment. Things can go drastically wrong if you do; this will give them a chance to retaliate and you might (totally will) cause a heated argument instead of indirectly shaming them for having the ‘old-fashioned’ opinions they do. Think of the politest, most indirect and one-sided way of delivering your thoughts. It is integral for it to be a one-sided conversation, or you’ll never be able to state your opinion (the truth, honestly) in the midst of all the chaos.

Step 4 : Deliverance (pun intended)

Seek the moment of silence as your cue to speak. Speak with confidence, do not maintain eye contact, rather stir your tea and cynically smile at it whenever your words drip with poorly-veiled sarcasm and irony. Make sure to inject some half-puffed up laughs at the points which would hit bulls eye. End it with a casual shrug and say, “But I guess everyone believes what they want to believe.”

Sip your tea child, you have done well.

A sample speech, in case your ‘formulation time’ is cut off by unnecessary comments about your academic life :

“You know, just the other day I had this conversation with my friend about how each passing out batch thinks they are the last of the good ones and the next ones are a bunch of well rascals. I actually thought the same until I talked about it by reference. I realized it’s not really true, it’s just easier to see the worst in a large group of people. The next batch is just fine, it’s just that we’re bitter that we’re older. 

You can apply that outside school as well, to society. Every generation believes the next one is going to be lazy, undisciplined, unmoraled and probably even bring the downfall of humanity, or something equally dramatic. 

That’s so crazy, look how far we’ve come! We have only advanced; the graph has been positive so far and will, in all likelihood, only continue on the path upward. But it’s really heartbreaking, you know, how the past generations stereotype and generalize the youth as ungrateful brats who are addicted to their phone. 

Honestly speaking, the youth is grateful for everything they have, but for how long can we remain grateful? 

We need to progress and create a future for the generations ahead, and the future is online! It’s on the phones! One cannot apply the same terms and conditions of their lives during their youth to the current times. Each generation lives in a very different environment, and the youth of the past probably spent their time on whatever was the equivalent of phones then (and were shamed for it by their parents). There is no way they were a bunch of goody two shoes. 

So really, it’s quite old fashioned to condemn and rebuke the youth of today. Instead, be fascinated by them and how they can grasp technology so easily; after all, who do you call up for some tiny problem you have while operating your phone? 

Heck, imagine the adults at the beginning of the industrial revolution, they really must have thought they were all going to die! Wow, I spoke a lot but I just wanted to say, the kids are alright.”

Step 5: Sit back and enjoy the reactions.

Lo and behold, you will be witness to the same uncle, who was so against the youth, agree with you. The chorus of “That’s true” that follows your bold, yet understated speech will be heaven to your ears, the sweet reward of hard work. If someone is bold enough to come up with a response or question, I trust I have taught you enough that you can handle things in a calm fashion, all the while maintaining your reputation and dignity.

Step 6 : Call me sensei and follow That’s the Tea on instagram.

  I hope I have enlightened everyone enough to tackle their local boomer. If you have any further questions, drop them in the comments, I’ll be sure to reply!

Class dismissed.

About Snehal Srivastava

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