Everyone admires you. They yearn for you in the waking hours when they can barely remember their own names. They long for your warmth in the nights they sleep alone, tossing in the layers of cloth with body tired and mind restless. They seek your comfort when tears threaten to leave their eyes and crave your embrace when they falls on the cold floor because of the pain in their hearts. You are wished upon every night sky, for when one sees the shimmering stars they pray for your presence to be bestowed upon them or for you to grow stronger evermore.
You must be a celebrity. Living in the most luxurious manor with thousands of servants at your beck and call. You seduce everyone with your charm and make them give up what could have been theirs for who can be theirs. You grow richer and stronger every day because people pray for you. They take your name to show how deep and complex their emotions are. You have your own paparazzi; people chase after you. You are the strongest of them all.
But, dear Love, I don’t want you. It’s hard to put it to words but you are something I’d rather not acquire for I do not deserve you. No matter how much I dream and fantasize about you, there is no part of me willing to turn it into a reality. It is not that I misunderstand you; I understand you very well and even know how I prefer you. It’s just that all the love which I receive, how am I ever to return it? Love among family , friends and even a lover, I will fail to love them back as much as they do. I hold myself back and it is a reflex which has now been ingrained into my personality. I will suppress you. I see you as a luxury and not a necessity. I can do well without you. That is why I do not deserve you. To choose between the break I need or Love; I would choose the chance.
You are the subject of my stories and poetry. Do not expect to be anything more. I view you with a careful eye of caution. If I ever have you , know that you are mistaken, it was just a fancy and not love. I will cry because of you but for much more complex thoughts than you will know of. I stand with a poker face and glassy eyes. I will not bend in front of you. I don’t view you like this just to be different from the rest, this sentiment is not my pride; it is what I have understood of myself after pondering over the seasons.
For I am a child. People will dismiss my thoughts of Love. But for now, you and I both know how it will be.